I am thoroughly convinced that I’ll never EVER have a happy ending to ANYTHING. Now don’t get me confused with the same helpless people that cry for attention or sympathy, sit on the floor and cry while cramming a tub of Ben and Jerry’s down their throat. My deal is simply a realization based on the facts of life. My nick name is “Debbie Downer”, due to the fact I never see the glass being half full! ITS ALWAYS half empty! I mean this day and age you need to be prepared for the worst, that way when it happens you have a plan of attack, and the shock isn’t quite as bad.
Take for example a simple house project I did of replacing the bathroom vanity. Pretty simple looking at it from a “the glass is half full” perspective: You shut the water off, disconnect everything, rip the vanity out, put the new one in, connect everything, and turn on the water.
Here’s how I look at it: I can shut the water off at the pipes coming into the bathroom, but the valve is more than likely broken (which I was right by the way) which would cause a big flood (which it did), the old vanity won’t just come out easily… I’ll more than likely have to fight with it and end up damaging the walls and other nonsense (which IT DID), the new vanity won’t work with pipes coming through the floor so I have to cut a hole in the bottom of it (which took several attempts to cut a big enough hole), I know for a fact once I connect these water lines there is going to be a leak (which there was, had to run off to Home Depot to get new connectors), I can turn the water back on but I won’t be upstairs to catch the water spraying out all over cause nothing I did worked (which I was right).
This is a day to day thing with me, even the grocery store. I could be in a line moving VERY slowly. So I’ll move to another line that is moving faster…WHICH will then move slower and the line I was originally in will move quicker. It happens all the time, so I now just stay put in the line with a savage look on my face of discontentment. I use to fight it but I am exhausted, same with arguing with people when they’re in the wrong… its just pointless now days.
The other day I found a cell phone in the middle of my road. I picked it up and thought about selling it on ebay to make a buck. But Karma is a bitch and I thought I’d “DO the right thing”….which turned out to be a bust! A number kept calling the phone so I decided that it was obviously the owner trying to find it; so I answered it. It was a woman who said it was her father’s phone. I explained how I found it and she could pick it up at my house’s mailbox… she went into explaining how her Dad overdosed on medication, needed medical attention and no one could find him. OH and how he live RIGHT up the road from me! I immediately knew I was fucked…I mean WHO tells a stranger all that shit? Guess who shows up at my house two days later? The “Dad”… he went on this rant about how his daughter stole the phone from him and he can’t get it back (pretty much blaming me he didn’t have his phone). I was like “I AM DONE.. its your deal.. maybe next time you won’t get FUCKED up and lose it!!” He then went on to ask me if I found a bottle of prescription medicine with it.. I told him to get off my property!... didn’t even get a thank you!
SEE what honesty gets you… a KICK right in the dick!! Your probably thinking..well that was a one time rarity..but your wrong. Found a phone at Lowes once had intentions of selling it too but then decided to turn it in, 10 mins later I get a NASTY text message on the phone about how I BETTER turn it in and threatening me to take legal action. So here is what a “the GLASS is half empty” thinker will do next time I come across a lost phone.. IT’S GETTING SMASHED!
Ok so I am a little off topic.. ADD is kicking in. Friendly’s sells “happy ending sundays” with their meals. The idea is good but what they don’t tell you is that, that happy ending is going straight to your ass and love handles. You’ll have to spend at least a good hour on the elliptical just to get rid of your happy ending before it turns to fat… and THAT’S not dealing with their overly caloried (yeah.. I made that word up) food. Don’t sound too happy now, does it?
Fairy tales and even movies always have them.. NO MATTER how bad the situation is YOU KNOW ITS going to turn out rainbows and lollipops. Its why I like the movies where the HERO dies, or the guy DOSEN”T get the girl, or the family pet dies… ITS life and that’s what happens. Hollywood sold our society an idea that good things come no matter how bad things get; yeah its cute to think that way may help you over come obstacles. But I am pretty sure religion does the same thing, and look where that’s gotten our society. So the mai bullet I’d like to make in this rant is that, IT’S not negative to actually plan for the worst… at least your not caught off guard!
"Life always has an unhappy ending, but you can have a lot of fun along the way, and everything doesn't have to be dripping in deep significance."
— Roger Ebert
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