Politicians, Companies, Alcoholics and even Drag Queens do it….

Re-invent them selves!

I feel I am at the point of needing a “life” makeover. This makeover needs to allow for career, power, and social expansion while maintaining what I have. I just read Forbs list of how and who is powerful. I love these lists because each person they list they give a short interview, and you can learn a lot from it.

I am working on this like a company would for a marketing campaign, only the product will be my life.

My career plan doesn’t include you

Goals are over rated; any one can make a “goal” up and define what achievement is. And if your vocabulary is large enough you can make a “mow hill sound like a mountain”. The reality is that goals show up in our lives to constantly remind us that we DO fail at things. For example here were my goals several years ago:

Finish 4 year degree - FAIL
Move FAR away - FAIL
Travel FAR away - FAIL

The 4 year degree failed due to not enough hours in the day, moving failed due to my commitment in not picking up in leaving, and traveling failed due to the lack of money. They were my goals, and I’ve failed at all of them. BUT here are the events that occurred that weren’t goals.

Finished 2 year degree
Bought a house – (WHICH will now prevent me from moving any where for a few years)
I did travel to AZ which is pretty far.

I feel the same thing occurs at work for my “career goals”. I am sitting here looking at the questing “what do you want to do when you grow up” and I still can’t answer the damn thing. I have no idea, are you asking me what is realistic or what I dream about? What would be awesome, or what would pay the bills? And what is the age limit on this?
The bottom line is I HAVE not the slightest clue, nor do I really give a shit no more! And even if I do figure it out I am more than likely not qualified or have the experience needed.

When I was young I wanted to be a dolphin trainer, I should have done it. However the jobs are scarce and from what I understand you don’t get paid shit (In fact I am pretty sure your paid in fish). Instead I entered the wonderful world of business and IT, where some D-bag in academia comes up with a fucked up theory and then crams it down all the students’ throats. Those students then get into HR or some god awful position and know nothing but that theory; and can’t think outside the text book to save their damn lives. And it’s for this reason I blame higher education for taking corporate America to where it’s at today. I mean think about it, who invented the theory for S.M.A.R.T goals?

You don’t need to use S.M.A.R.T for real goals, they have all that in them when you set it. S.M.A.R.T was made up for…well made up goals; it makes them sound better. I like to call S.M.A.R.T goals DUMB goals:

D - Detailed
U - Unrelated
M – Made up
B – Bull shit

See.. now will my theory be lectured at PSU? NO!!

Happy endings only happen in fairy tales and after a massage…

I am thoroughly convinced that I’ll never EVER have a happy ending to ANYTHING. Now don’t get me confused with the same helpless people that cry for attention or sympathy, sit on the floor and cry while cramming a tub of Ben and Jerry’s down their throat. My deal is simply a realization based on the facts of life. My nick name is “Debbie Downer”, due to the fact I never see the glass being half full! ITS ALWAYS half empty! I mean this day and age you need to be prepared for the worst, that way when it happens you have a plan of attack, and the shock isn’t quite as bad.

Take for example a simple house project I did of replacing the bathroom vanity. Pretty simple looking at it from a “the glass is half full” perspective: You shut the water off, disconnect everything, rip the vanity out, put the new one in, connect everything, and turn on the water.

Here’s how I look at it: I can shut the water off at the pipes coming into the bathroom, but the valve is more than likely broken (which I was right by the way) which would cause a big flood (which it did), the old vanity won’t just come out easily… I’ll more than likely have to fight with it and end up damaging the walls and other nonsense (which IT DID), the new vanity won’t work with pipes coming through the floor so I have to cut a hole in the bottom of it (which took several attempts to cut a big enough hole), I know for a fact once I connect these water lines there is going to be a leak (which there was, had to run off to Home Depot to get new connectors), I can turn the water back on but I won’t be upstairs to catch the water spraying out all over cause nothing I did worked (which I was right).

This is a day to day thing with me, even the grocery store. I could be in a line moving VERY slowly. So I’ll move to another line that is moving faster…WHICH will then move slower and the line I was originally in will move quicker. It happens all the time, so I now just stay put in the line with a savage look on my face of discontentment. I use to fight it but I am exhausted, same with arguing with people when they’re in the wrong… its just pointless now days.
The other day I found a cell phone in the middle of my road. I picked it up and thought about selling it on ebay to make a buck. But Karma is a bitch and I thought I’d “DO the right thing”….which turned out to be a bust! A number kept calling the phone so I decided that it was obviously the owner trying to find it; so I answered it. It was a woman who said it was her father’s phone. I explained how I found it and she could pick it up at my house’s mailbox… she went into explaining how her Dad overdosed on medication, needed medical attention and no one could find him. OH and how he live RIGHT up the road from me! I immediately knew I was fucked…I mean WHO tells a stranger all that shit? Guess who shows up at my house two days later? The “Dad”… he went on this rant about how his daughter stole the phone from him and he can’t get it back (pretty much blaming me he didn’t have his phone). I was like “I AM DONE.. its your deal.. maybe next time you won’t get FUCKED up and lose it!!” He then went on to ask me if I found a bottle of prescription medicine with it.. I told him to get off my property!... didn’t even get a thank you!

SEE what honesty gets you… a KICK right in the dick!! Your probably thinking..well that was a one time rarity..but your wrong. Found a phone at Lowes once had intentions of selling it too but then decided to turn it in, 10 mins later I get a NASTY text message on the phone about how I BETTER turn it in and threatening me to take legal action. So here is what a “the GLASS is half empty” thinker will do next time I come across a lost phone.. IT’S GETTING SMASHED!

Ok so I am a little off topic.. ADD is kicking in. Friendly’s sells “happy ending sundays” with their meals. The idea is good but what they don’t tell you is that, that happy ending is going straight to your ass and love handles. You’ll have to spend at least a good hour on the elliptical just to get rid of your happy ending before it turns to fat… and THAT’S not dealing with their overly caloried (yeah.. I made that word up) food. Don’t sound too happy now, does it?

Fairy tales and even movies always have them.. NO MATTER how bad the situation is YOU KNOW ITS going to turn out rainbows and lollipops. Its why I like the movies where the HERO dies, or the guy DOSEN”T get the girl, or the family pet dies… ITS life and that’s what happens. Hollywood sold our society an idea that good things come no matter how bad things get; yeah its cute to think that way may help you over come obstacles. But I am pretty sure religion does the same thing, and look where that’s gotten our society. So the mai bullet I’d like to make in this rant is that, IT’S not negative to actually plan for the worst… at least your not caught off guard!


"Life always has an unhappy ending, but you can have a lot of fun along the way, and everything doesn't have to be dripping in deep significance."
— Roger Ebert

The Jetsons ruined the future for me…

I am a huge cartoon freak, quite honestly I feel a cartoon is more entertaining then a human being; lets face it, a cartoon can do WAY more than ANY human can. And the ego isn’t there either, just look at Charlie Sheen. But I can honestly say that “The Jetsons” ruined the 21st century for me!
The Jetsons originally aired in the early 60’s (hence the reason George drank martinis, now days he’d be considered gay), then again in the late 80’s/90’s. The Jetsons lived in what I thought to be the future or 2011, etc. I mean they had cars that flew, buildings that could wipe your ass and take care of you, futuristic clothes, etc. And on top of all that everyone in the 90’s always ranted and raved about how the year 2000 cars would fly and things like that would happen. But look around, I mean hell people are still living in the 80’s; what the fuck happened!?
Its now 2011, cars are not flying and hell they can’t even run off alternative fuel. No one lives on Mars or the moon, and money in our budget isn’t even there (we’re too busy playing world police). Buildings have computer systems, but they’re not making me food, dressing me, or cleaning me. And the only futuristic clothing style I’ve seen was Lady Gaga, but fore she went post Madonna 80’s goth! Quite frankly it’s a sad failure to what I had built up in my mind as the future.
So now that I am here in 2011 and none of this stuff has happened, I can honestly say the new “future” for me has been pushed back to 3011. Maybe by then (assuming the human race hasn’t killed one another and this planet) we’ll have cars that fly, live on multiple planets, have space ships to go to other galaxies. Pretty much like my new favorite cartoon show “Futurama”.
I can now again let my mind wonder into the future and dream what it may be like to hop on a ship and go to Mar’s University, have a robot friend, or make out with a Cyclops, and even better see the edge of the universe! It then hit me that Futurama is now the updated Jetsons (minus the whole family crap), only a little bit more believable. I can feel the same way that everyone else in the 60’s on up felt like the 21st century would be like.




“I’ve got a wife, two kids, and 10 finance companies
to support. How am I suppose to pay my bills?”
George Jetson

“Women don’t point….unless they’re buying shoes…”

John Gray wrote a book entitled “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”. Gray was onto something here but I feel that both sexes come from the same long lost understood planet like Pluto. Why Pluto? Well everyone knows how it feels to be exiled from the rest of the group even though you’re exactly like it.
Women are defiantly not from a different plant than men; in fact both sexes are SOOO much alike it’s down right frightening. The only single difference is women are a WHOLE lot better at making it look and seem like they’re different than men.
I was going to straight out write this in paragraph form, but because I have ADD, ADHD, can’t organize my thoughts correctly, and currently jacked up on 4 flashpoints I decided it would be easier to do a list form. So here are a few items that I’ve notice women say makes them different from men but really don’t:

• Women put a different value on sex - I have often been around girlfriends who flat out say “I am horny, I just want sex, but he wants more”. When I first heard this I couldn’t believe it, but after a few years I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s typical. However woman need to keep it on the DL because they would be called sluts; and often are by their own friends.

• Women handle situations more maturely and less aggressively - Males may fight to show dominance or disagree, but females are even worst with the fighting; but all the fighting is done behind the back. I am pretty sure even females will agree with me when I say “Females treat each other like SHIT!” To this day I am still shocked how they act towards one another, even if they are “friends”. The office setting is really bad, and I honestly feel bad for females. I think the problem stems from jealousy; women don’t just see another female in the room, they study them. From head to toe; how do I know? I’ve watched females do it; at restaurants, parks, office, parking lots; I’ve watched them take in every detail, from the shoe’s heel height, to the style of clothing, to the hair, and of course the breast and ass. My mom is a pro at this; whenever I see a blond bomb shell pass our table at Olive Garden I immediately watch her every move and then wait for the comment “I can’t believe she is wearing that”. It kills me every time.

• Women’s looks are judged harder then men’s – I’ll give this win to the women, BUT men aren’t far behind in this race. Guys use to have it really easy, BUT thanks to the “Metro sexual” world, we now have to spend a shit ton of money in clothing and are held to the same standards of looking good as women have. Take for the example the Ed Hardy line, once upon a time ago this stuff was popular. NOW all of a sudden its Jersey Shore trash, and a man is made fun of who chooses to recklessly match jeans and t-shirts with fake tattoos and ED HARDY across the top. Baggy jeans use to be fine, NOT any more and I just read that skinny jeans are now not ok; Shaved heads use to be fine but now it’s not; A man use to be able to be somewhat husky and be fine, NOT any more; if you’re white as Casper you better find a tanning bed (did I mention how bad tanning is for you!?); I could go on, but I am pretty sure you get the point. The bottom line is that both men and women are obsessed with looks and as Lauryn Hill puts it “…only concerned about that thing…”, so ladies pay the middle attention and buy those boobs (it’s an investment); men get your ass to the gyms and make sure you have a six pack in a cooler!

• Women mature faster then men - FALSE!!! If this was the case then why do you always see those girls that act like they’re in high school still even though they graduated 6 years ago? You know which ones I mean! Or how about the girls that think they’re hot (when they’re not) and feel they can get whatever they want? Women and men mature at the same rate, some more and better than others.

• Women aren’t paid what men are paid – apparently the women whom have said this haven’t heard about strip clubs. Lets face it, if you can make hundreds by simply taking your clothes off, dancing around on a pole, and have men throw cash at you WHAT are you complaining about!? In fact it’s a damn good thing I wasn’t a female cause we’d all know where I’d be working at. But its not just there, I know so many places that only want to hire women such as bars and what not. Lets face it, if you’re a hot female your going to get hired and more than likely paid more. As for the “ugly” women, you should have listened to Cosmos.

• Women often say “females are more responsible than men, and that’s why we handle everything”. The problem with this statement are two things:
A.) Males let females handle everything because females usually feel that there is only one way of doing it. I’ve seen so many of my friend couples fight over stupid shit like this; I can’t begin to tell you. “There is more than one way to skin a cat” and not everyone is going to see or feel that one way is better than the next.
B.) Males are honestly very responsible; it’s just we have a more laid back way of handling things. Men usually identify a problem, fix it, and then crack open a beer after. Its really all about fixing the problem.. NOT about HOW bad it is.
Again, not every male and female fall into these scenarios, but a good bit do. I know we all have stories of “friends” or people we know that just down right don’t fit into the stereotype, but these are simple observations which lead me to have my stereotype.

I should have done drugs when I was younger…..

I can’t help to think how amazing that something such as alcohol can impair you; it’s only a liquid. But ingest enough of it and as my friend Lindsay puts it “Diva Danny” comes out. I was a goody good when I was younger. None of my friends did any type of drug, not even cigarettes. So I never really got into them. Hell this one time at Ocean City, MD this dude on the boardwalk tried to sell my cousin and I something and neither one of use knew what was going on. But what if I had, I often wonder how I would have turned out, and which drug I would have been addicted to.
I started watching “Skins” on MTV (the American version) a while back. This show is pretty much about a bunch of teens in high school that do all kinds of drugs, and then the drama the follows them because of it. I honestly liked the show, mainly because it started out all rainbows and lollypops but turned into a mess. I then started thinking to myself why that wasn’t my life.
I actually prefer my personality and what not when I am buzzed of alcohol (I am pretty sure that a sign of alcoholism). I am more laid back, I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks of me, my social anxiety disappears, and I am not self conscious. So why would I go to a doctor to get a pill with some weird name I’ll never be able to pronounce and NEVER understand the commercial for it, when I can just buy a bottle or 4Loko (THANK YOU underage jack asses for getting it banned!)?
But I am way to old for all this now; when you’re a teen its “cute” and “well its just a phase”. At my age you’d be considered a mess and have “issues”. After all I have a career, mortgage, and who will let Gunner out to piss if I am all fucked up!?
For my 26 birfday (I spell it with an “f”) I decided to throw my self a party at Level 2 downtown Harrisburg. Level 2 is Harrisburg closest club you’d see somewhere like NYC, Philly, L.A, or Vegas. I was in VIP with bottle service; we arrived at around 10:30-10:45pm ish. I made it till about 11:30pm from what I remember and the rest was beyond me. Never in my life have I gotten that drunk, I mean I spent a good amount of money and only remember the following things:
• I broke a champagne fluke and tired hiding it under the couch. Which in my defense I can break easily sober.
• I ORDERED a bottle of champagne (Rose) and apparently chugged it. This would explain why my vomit was red and smelled horrible!
• I tried to open Linday’s car door but couldn’t and threw up on me and the door.
• I tripped somewhere and slammed my head into the concrete (that explained the scuff mark on my head the next morning).

That was all, it was like I had a stroke and the whole thing was a party.
The next day I woke up promptly at 9am in gym shorts and parched as hell. After I pissed I went to the kitchen to get a drink, a glass of clear liquid was sitting on the island and since I usually leave glasses of water lying around I grabbed it and started chugging it. I soon found out that it was Patron and Sprite from the pre-game drink last night. I threw up right then and there and wanted to cry. I then noticed a note on the island and that my keys were gone.
I was quite confused, after a few hours of trying to figure out what was going on I decided to go out and see what happen in Linday’s car. As I went out the front door I notice the front yard trashed. Potted plants where knocked over, landscaping lights crushed, and edging blocks thrown all over the yard. I was mildly horrified; I thought something happened and that I maybe sued over it. I would later find out that I was looking for the spare key to the house after my attempt to pick the dead bolt to my house with a credit card. I then opened the passenger’s card door to Linday’s car, which looked like someone was murdered. I stood and looked at what appeared to be in my stomach from the night before spread out all over the front of the car for a good while, and then started plotting how to clean it up.
I mixed a blend of Arm-n-hammer with backing soda toothpaste, rubbing alcohol, oxi-clean, and water. That shit look brand new when I was done, and smelled good too.
Getting back on track to the subject here; I eventually realized that for once in my life I was completely out of control of all functions of my body. I didn’t care if my bed was made, if the house was clean, if the gas bill was paid, or if I left the basement light on. It was at this point I wish I would have done drugs when I was younger. But it’s too late now I am 26 and like I said earlier, at this age you just look pathetic and no one feels sorry for you.
The only drugs for me to do now is alcohol and caffeine; WHICH.. is what I partake in. Flashpoint by iSatori was introduced to me by my good friend Weston Kensinger (aka: Dr. Guido, Professor Dr. Guido, Nigguido, Dr. Swolles, Brain, and the list goes on). Flashpoint is like having a case of Rockstar energy drinks in the form of one pill that dissolves in your mouth in seconds. I am immediately buzzing around tackling tasks that I’ve put off (like this writing assignment in my business class), but the best effect is the “I am superman, wanna fight?”. Drunks usually get this at some point, but can’t really stand and fall down easily. BUT not on this.. I was fully functional, ready to fight, road raging, a hyper shaking mess ready and daring someone to say or do something! It’s better than sliced bread.



“if you do drugs by yourself you won’t be able to
fill out (Drugs: Socially) on your Match.com
profile…then you’ll just be a crack head”
Daniel P. Sivar

How my bonsai tree at my desk reminds me of my friends and family…..

A while back my department’s office was moved to a bigger room, and we finally got to have our own desks (we call that progress and a raise in corporate America). Since I now had my own area I of course had to decorate it and make it look like I sat there. Now for those of you, who know me, know I don’t settle for anything ordinary! I started out with an office pet which was a rose haired tarantula. I am not a spider fan to be honest, but there was something about this creature that I found interesting.. maybe how it could stay in ONE place ALL day long and I couldn’t.. I don’t know. Anyhow I named it Baker, and in about 24 hours I was asked to take him home. After Baker I decided to just get a plant which was a bonsai tree from Wal-Mart (I did not name the plant).
The other day it occurred to me how much this plant, my friends, and family are a like. Bonsai trees and relationships need the following things:
· Water
· Food
· Love
· Grooming
· Attention
· Insecticides
· A cool pot to house everything.
I am sure your wondering what I was smoking or on to come to this conclusion but I’ll explain. Friendships and family are like plants, there are many different kinds, you never have just ONE, each require different amounts of water & light, each do their own thing, and each are very easy to kill. Plants however usually come with a care manual or instructions and are easily predicable where as friends/family do not.
So any how the first day I had this bonsai tree I noticed small flies around my desk and going to the plant. Me being who I am identified the problem and took action, spraying it with an insecticide. I should note that the last time I sprayed a plant with a chemical to kill something else I ended up killing EVERYTHING. But the same thing happens when friendships/family that I think an issue might be present, I feel the need to TAKE CARE of the problem. Except with friends and family you can’t spray them down with insecticide.
Two days later the plant looked sickly and unhappy, apparently the compressed toxic poison I sprayed on it was too much and not what it needed. So I filled an Applebee’s curbside to go cup with water and “made it rain”. I figured it was maybe thirsty and needed a drink; the water went through the plant, through the dirt, and out the bottom of the pot spilling onto the desk like a pool of blood.
The following day (day 3) it had a brownish tint to it, and the files returned. At this point I was sick of it, I was sick of having to bother with it, sick of figuring out what I needed to do to make it feel better and thrive, so I did what I do best and moved it out of my area and to a higher shelf where I didn’t have to look at it any more or be bothered by it.
A few days past without any contact or interference between the plant and I (I had honestly forgotten about it). I was working on a project at work (aka: nothing), when a leaf fell down from the shelf which the plant resided. The leaf was brown and look like someone how taken a match to it and scorched it. Clearly something was wrong with it, but like I typically do when someone I don’t feel like talking with calls me, I pushed it out of my way till I felt like dealing with it (if the plant was smart it would have texted me!). After a few hours and lunch I investigate the plants issue which still wasn’t clear. I gave it some more water, but not as much as last time. Eventually the plant seemed to be fine and drama free. I finally felt like the adjective “peace” that was inscribed on an ornament stuck in the pot.
A few weeks later while starring at the dying plant (it took a turn for the worst) I came to a whole new conclusion about myself. I often never understood why I was usually the one who’d have to contact everyone in my family or friends (If I usually don’t call I don’t hear from anyone), or why I felt uninvited, or pushed to the back of the group of people in social settings. But after this plant ordeal I realized I am a lot like this plant; a lot of work, a ball of emotion, and need to be constantly groomed and tended to, otherwise I “die”. I am that fucken bonsai tree, and it’s for that reason I thank all of you in my life.



“When bonsai are taken care of, you end up with a magnificent work of art that will live on for years.”
My first Bonsai Tree Care Manual




P.S… the bonsai tree ended up completely dying…the flies returned and I threw it away! I still have the pot it lived in!

Everyone is a Winner…. we’re making our fame

When I grew up there was ALWAYS a clear winner and loser; and if you are wondering I was usually on the losing team. But that was life, you win some and you loose some. BUT NOW days the losers are just as much praised as the winners; minus the whole party afterwards. Why? Moral, self esteem, personal growth, pride; I could go on! God for bid if Mrs. Smith’s child isn’t as good as the Miller’s. We need to level the playing field; talent and skill don’t mean shit. My theory on this stems from our government; and before you get all crazy and shit just calm down and hear me out.

I don’t want to hear Democrats are better than Republicans, or vice versa; or it’s Bushes’s fault! So gays calm, and old people change your depends!! Our government (several years and parties wroth) AND population have made America into a helpless, clingy, can’t think for themselves type of country it is today.

Here is the theory; A government is to its country, what a parent is to their child (I need to copy right this shit!). I am not a parent, but I see and know more than what some of these people who DO have kids. If you bail your kid out of EVERY situation, make excuses for them, don’t discipline them, and don’t make them take personal responsibility for their actions. They become a helpless, irresponsible, won’t move out of your house, pussy type of person. Sound familiar? It should, its kind of what is happening with our government and population. Then everyone sits around dumb founded as to why our country isn’t what it use to be; BUT no one wants to start correcting the issue. Our found fathers are more than likely turning over in their graves right now.

So your thinking to yourself “ if you think you know how to fix it…then do it”. The problem is I DO KNOW how to fix it, I just don’t have the money, the bull shit, the friends, or the popularity to get into office. And on top of all that, this country would go into SHOCK and I would more than likely be assassinated. For starters I would audit the Social Security System; I remember this MTV episode where Old Dirty Bastards rolled up in a limo to collect his welfare; yeah.. I threw up a little in my mouth. That should prove to you that more than half the people on it shouldn’t be. But our country supports laziness and rewards it. Anyhow, it would be audited; if you’re on it because you’re “too heavy” to work, guess what? You’d be given a month and a personal trainer; after that, you’re CUT OFF. If you’re on it because you can’t afford to support your 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. child then guess what. You should have thought about that when that tool fucked you without wrapping it up (guys/tools your not off the hook either). I could go on, but I’d be here forever and my ADD is starting to kick in. As for these companies needing a “bail out”; NO not happening. While your employees don’t get shit for raises, your off in the company car or G4 heading to the company’s suite at the ball park! Sorry, you’re paid all that money as a CEO to help lead your company in hard times. If you fail, then your company fails with you; GROW a PAIR and get creative!

I am not about to get into everything that is wrong, I am pretty sure everyone knows by now. But as you can see, I wouldn’t get voted in and I am pretty sure I would be assassinated. But I would show this country something that it needs and NO politician will show it; TOUGH LOVE! And why? They need to get voted back in next term, which everyone knows they wouldn’t.

But it’s not fair to blame our government in its entirety. No one gives a damn anymore, and the ones that do are slowly starting to get fed up with it. The one morning at the gym I was watching “Good Morning America”, one of two guests they had on the show was a woman who wrote a book titled: “I see rude people”. She was explaining how she is shocked and amazed at how rude our culture is. She went on to explain about how no one even holds a door for others and more. I wanted to call in and explain to her why. I use to hold the door for people, ALL the damn time. You know what happens, YOUR TAKEN advantage of; next thing you know YOU yourself can’t even get in (or out). And VERY few even acknowledge that you are holding the door for them! Hell now days I’ve open a door for myself and SOMEONE else comes strolling through (don’t even get me started about how NO ONE uses the OTHER door!). Any how, if you’re nice in this day and age you’re taken advantage of. OH by the way, the other guest on the show was Mike “the situation” from MTV’s Jersey Shore (mad props to whoever planned this one).

But all that is ok, because EVERYONE IS famous and SO unique. “Just look how many comments, “likes”, and friends are on my Facebook.. you ain’t up on this!” The American dream use to be to own a home or business…well that’s proven to be a bust. The new American Dream is to be on TV and famous. And people are willing to do that at all costs. But you won’t find good ethical people, who can make a difference in the world on TV; NO, their boring. The world wants to see party going, popular, drama filled, sexy/hot, complete douche bag people live their scripted lives on TV. Hence the reason reality TV shows where born. And can I say, never have I WANTED SOMETHING SO BADLY! So we all run around buying Benzs (yeah I bought an ML350.. turned out to be a piece of shit and $1000 less I am back to my old car), poppn’ bottles in the club, and copping that LV just to see how many people will noticed how COOL you are; hell it’s the reason I bought a Lexus.

Then the egos enflame, with the attitude of I am just as cool and important as Snookie; so why should I open the door for you…HELL you should be opening the door for ME.



“…most people think their unique, but very few really are…”
Jeffry Sterba. AMWater CEO

I usually eat over a garbage can ...

I am so gifted at finding what I don’t like the most, it’s why I’ll never be married, have kids, or a house with a white picked fence…

I’ve never been content with what I have, hell I am not sure if it’s the ADD or ADHD (this will be a whole other entry!) but for me it’ll never happen! I like change..hell if I could pick up and move every year to a new area I’d totally do it. This is also one of the reason I don’t have a tattoo yet; that and the fact that EVERYONE has one (I use to like the tribal stuff but not any more). And it’s why I get a new car almost every 2-3 years.. (I’ve NEVER paid a car off entirely!).

Let’s start with the easy one, the house with a white picked fence. Some days I think I’d like something like that, and then the next day I am into something else (besides what 26 something year old wants a house like that?). I felt really bad for my realtor.. but she was paid to deal with my crap. When I went shopping for a house I bounced back between the following: A cool condo down town, a historic town home down town, modern style, historical, suburban, urban, loft style, cookie cutter, etc. As you can see I was all over the place like most things in my life, including partners (And it’s this reason I am pretty sure I like Ikea’s catalog as much as I do; each page is a different style).

What I look for in someone changes daily, sometimes hourly (yeah, at least I admitted it). There have ONLY ever been two people I’ve met in my life that I can say I am honestly attracted to and neither one of them “play on my team” (if you know what I mean). I am not sure why, but I am pretty sure it’s safe to blame porn. But don’t judge me, that’s the only action I get these days; I mean it’s safe, fast, readily available, and “gets the job done”. And things are easily categorized into what might be of interest to you at any given time.

I’ve never been in a relationship, NEVER. I don’t know what its like to “have someone to come home to”. I fall asleep every night by myself, and honestly I can’t sleep any other way. My dog Gunner tries to sneak up onto the bed (he is to oafy and fails miserably), but about 10 min. of him shaking the whole bed from breathing, or licking my hand, or attacking my feet, or me becoming COMPLETELY soaked from how hot we both are…I kick him off the bed (he retaliates by waking me up at 7am to go to the bathroom, or puking beside my bed). Same thing goes on with dates, only you can’t kick them to the floor (although the thought has entered my mind at times). I often wonder if other people deal with the same thing, but then realize I wouldn’t give a shit if they did or didn’t. The bottom line is, it’s going to take a lot of work for this to change and a lot of sleepless nights when I finally do “commit” to someone.

I use to blame my dating failings on others; it’s typical for anyone to do it. But then I realized a lot was my fault and I go about it all wrong (online dating), I am a pretty cold person (so I’ve been told), I have social anxiety (thank you Shane Gordon for pointing that one out), I am not happy with my work at the gym (even though I’ve come along way), I hate pursuing or chasing people, I honestly still live a double life, and the number one reason is… I’d rather not deal with it. Why? Well.. I’ll never be satisfied! I feel almost bad for anyone I hit on or who hits on me. But from all the bull shit I’ve dealt with over the years I feel I am entitled to be like this. Besides that’s the way the cookie crumbles and I am not one to let the crumbs fall on the ground to create a mess; I usually eat over a garbage can (which Gunner usually digs in while I am in the shower).

This brings me to the last point, why I’ll never have kids. I’d fail as a parent; hell I fail as a parent to a Rotti/Mastiff dog named Gunner and a macaw named Rumba (and a pit/boxer named Gretchen whom I had to find a new home for a while back). Neither listen to me, they do whatever the hell they want, I am constantly yelling, the house is always a mess, I can’t have anything nice (I use to hate when my mom said that, but I understand now). But I don’t care, as long as they don’t bother me during Rupaul’s Drag race on Monday nights or Animation Domination on Fox Sunday nights.



“I'm afraid sometimes you'll play lonely games too,
games you can't win because you'll play against you”
Dr. Seuss