I usually eat over a garbage can ...

I am so gifted at finding what I don’t like the most, it’s why I’ll never be married, have kids, or a house with a white picked fence…

I’ve never been content with what I have, hell I am not sure if it’s the ADD or ADHD (this will be a whole other entry!) but for me it’ll never happen! I like change..hell if I could pick up and move every year to a new area I’d totally do it. This is also one of the reason I don’t have a tattoo yet; that and the fact that EVERYONE has one (I use to like the tribal stuff but not any more). And it’s why I get a new car almost every 2-3 years.. (I’ve NEVER paid a car off entirely!).

Let’s start with the easy one, the house with a white picked fence. Some days I think I’d like something like that, and then the next day I am into something else (besides what 26 something year old wants a house like that?). I felt really bad for my realtor.. but she was paid to deal with my crap. When I went shopping for a house I bounced back between the following: A cool condo down town, a historic town home down town, modern style, historical, suburban, urban, loft style, cookie cutter, etc. As you can see I was all over the place like most things in my life, including partners (And it’s this reason I am pretty sure I like Ikea’s catalog as much as I do; each page is a different style).

What I look for in someone changes daily, sometimes hourly (yeah, at least I admitted it). There have ONLY ever been two people I’ve met in my life that I can say I am honestly attracted to and neither one of them “play on my team” (if you know what I mean). I am not sure why, but I am pretty sure it’s safe to blame porn. But don’t judge me, that’s the only action I get these days; I mean it’s safe, fast, readily available, and “gets the job done”. And things are easily categorized into what might be of interest to you at any given time.

I’ve never been in a relationship, NEVER. I don’t know what its like to “have someone to come home to”. I fall asleep every night by myself, and honestly I can’t sleep any other way. My dog Gunner tries to sneak up onto the bed (he is to oafy and fails miserably), but about 10 min. of him shaking the whole bed from breathing, or licking my hand, or attacking my feet, or me becoming COMPLETELY soaked from how hot we both are…I kick him off the bed (he retaliates by waking me up at 7am to go to the bathroom, or puking beside my bed). Same thing goes on with dates, only you can’t kick them to the floor (although the thought has entered my mind at times). I often wonder if other people deal with the same thing, but then realize I wouldn’t give a shit if they did or didn’t. The bottom line is, it’s going to take a lot of work for this to change and a lot of sleepless nights when I finally do “commit” to someone.

I use to blame my dating failings on others; it’s typical for anyone to do it. But then I realized a lot was my fault and I go about it all wrong (online dating), I am a pretty cold person (so I’ve been told), I have social anxiety (thank you Shane Gordon for pointing that one out), I am not happy with my work at the gym (even though I’ve come along way), I hate pursuing or chasing people, I honestly still live a double life, and the number one reason is… I’d rather not deal with it. Why? Well.. I’ll never be satisfied! I feel almost bad for anyone I hit on or who hits on me. But from all the bull shit I’ve dealt with over the years I feel I am entitled to be like this. Besides that’s the way the cookie crumbles and I am not one to let the crumbs fall on the ground to create a mess; I usually eat over a garbage can (which Gunner usually digs in while I am in the shower).

This brings me to the last point, why I’ll never have kids. I’d fail as a parent; hell I fail as a parent to a Rotti/Mastiff dog named Gunner and a macaw named Rumba (and a pit/boxer named Gretchen whom I had to find a new home for a while back). Neither listen to me, they do whatever the hell they want, I am constantly yelling, the house is always a mess, I can’t have anything nice (I use to hate when my mom said that, but I understand now). But I don’t care, as long as they don’t bother me during Rupaul’s Drag race on Monday nights or Animation Domination on Fox Sunday nights.



“I'm afraid sometimes you'll play lonely games too,
games you can't win because you'll play against you”
Dr. Seuss